Would you believe it if I told you that you, as a normal human being, possess a power so enormous that it could transform your life?  That this power, properly used, can bring:

Love instead of hate

Calmness instead of confusion

Success instead of failure

Faith instead of fear

Joy instead of despair

Confidence instead of self?doubt

Victory instead of defeat

Most people are not aware of this power. They go searching through life, seeking ways of making their lives fulfilling and meaningful. Yet this power is there, in all of us, waiting for recognition.

Acres of Diamonds

There’s a poignant tale, reputed to be true, which was told by Russell H. Conwell.

The story is about a rich Persian farmer, Ali Hafed, who was once visited by an ancient Buddhist priest. This priest told the farmer how the earth was made, and how diamonds were formed.

Ali Hafed heard all about diamonds and their enormous worth. That night he could not sleep. He dreamt about diamonds, and by morning had resolved that he wanted a mine of his own.

The next morning Ali sought out the priest and asked him, “Will you tell where I can get those diamonds you told me about yesterday?”

“Of course,” said the priest. “Find a river that runs through white sands, between high mountains, and in those white sands there will be diamonds.”

“I will go,” said Ali Hafed.

So Ali sold his farm, liquidated his assets, and went away in pursuit of diamonds.  For many years he searched.  His quest took him to many lands on several continents. Eventually his money was spent.  Poor, clothed in rags, in wretchedness of mind and desolation of spirit, he stood alone on the shore of a deserted beach in Spain. In a fit of desperation he threw himself into the sea, never to emerge alive again.

One day the man who had bought Ali Hafed’s farm noticed a curious flash of light from the white sands of the stream which ran through his property. He sought the source of this flash and discovered a black stone with an eye of light showing up the hues of the rainbow. Taking the pebble into his house, he placed it upon the mantel and forgot all about it.

A few days later the priest whom Ali Hafed had seen many years before came to the house. A flash of light drew his attention to the mantel.  Quickly he strode to the stone, picked it up and exclaimed, “This is a diamond!  Has Ali returned?”

“Oh no,” said the farmer, “Ali Hafed has not returned.  Nor is that a diamond.  It is nothing but a stone I picked up right here on my farm.”

“But you’re wrong,” said the priest. “I know a diamond when I see it, and this is one. ”

Together they rushed down to the stream. They stirred up the white sands with their fingers and took out gems more beautiful and valuable than the first.

So it was that the diamond mine of Golconda was discovered, one of the best mines in the world.  The Koh?i?Noor and Orloff diamonds, in the crown jewels of England and Russia, came from that mine.

Had Ali Hafed remained where he was, had he dug in his own back yard so to speak, he would have had ‘acres of diamonds’.  Every acre of that farm produced gems that have decorated the crowns of monarchs.

You and I too have our own ‘acres of diamonds’ ? a great power, right under our noses, which often goes unrecognised because of the tendency we have to seek elsewhere for the true values of life.

Your Freedom to Choose

Earlier I mentioned a great power that is able to transform lives.  What is power?

It is the freedom to choose. The freedom to choose our thoughts is what sets us apart from any other creature on earth.  And it is choice that enables us to take charge of our lives and thereby determine the direction and quality of them.

Without choice you and I would be reduced to the level of animals.  An animal reacts instinctively to the stimulus of its environment. It merely functions according to its visceral drives. But human beings ? you and I ? are different. We were given dominion over the world by virtue of the fact that we can think rationally and exercise choice.  Our Creator bestowed upon each of us an intellect and a capability that empowers us to take charge of our lives.

When I tell people that they can choose what to think about anything, many are sceptical, even disbelieving. They mistakenly believe that the things that happen to them are to blame for their disposition. That the rain makes them depressed. Or that such and such a person makes them angry. The truth is that it is not possible for any situation or any person to make you feel anything; you create your own feelings by the way you think about things, by your perceptions and conclusions.

Consider the following example.  Suppose you board a bus.  There is standing room only and by the time you get going again the bus is filled to capacity. You are standing in the aisle and people are pressed tightly up against you on both sides. Suddenly you feel a sharp pain in your back. Someone has jabbed you with something solid. You try to look around, but in the crowded mass you don’t see anything. Then it happens again, only this time it’s worse. Someone has forcibly rammed something hard into your back, and it hurt. You turn around in anger, see a walking stick pointed ominously at your middle and are about to react explosively. Just in time you notice that the owner of the stick is blind. Suddenly your anger dissolves and you feel ashamed of yourself; you nearly struck out at a blind man.

What happened in this case? Was it the jab in your back that made you angry? Not at all. It was your perception of what was happening, and the thoughts you had about it, that made you cross. Before you become irate you have to say to yourself something like:

“Who the hell does that person think he is, jabbing me like that? I’ll get you for that. ”

This kind of self-talk must lead to anger. And, in our example, you nearly did explode in anger.

But what happened when you discovered that the person who hurt you was blind? Why, all of a sudden, did your feelings change? Probably, because now the following kind of thoughts passed through your head

“It’s not his fault. He’s blind.” “He didn’t mean it.” “I can’t blame him. He couldn’t see me.”

In other words, it was not the event that created your anger. A jab is a jab no matter who gives it. Your anger came from your thoughts. When you changed your thoughts, your feelings changed. Thoughts, then, cause feelings.

Now for the crucial question: Who decides what you think? Do you, or do other people or events?

If you allow people or events to decide what you will think, you have placed control of your life into the hands of others.

Plato, the great Greek philosopher, once said, “take charge of your thoughts, you can do what you will with them”.  Herein lies the secret of a life that is lived with meaning and purpose.

You are the only person who can control the way you think. It’s up to you whether you choose to waste your time in negative thinking or accept what is, and make the most of it. An unhappy life or a joyful heart, the choice is yours.

As I sit here writing this, the wind is howling outside and it looks like rain. I’m feeling quite good about the possibility of rain because our country, and my garden, needs it. Rain does wonderful things, in the worlds of agriculture and horticulture.

However, I also know that the weekend begins tomorrow and if it does rain as predicted, I can safely say that many people will feel quite miserable. They will see their weekend as having being ruined and they will say, to themselves, something like:

“This is awful!”

“How terrible. I can’t stand it.”

“Oh no! This rain has spoilt our day.”

“Why should this happen to me?”

Talk like this is not only futile, it’s silly. For the rain doesn’t do anything other than rain. It doesn’t spoil our day. We do! The rain just is. It is neither good nor bad, yet some people will feel wretched and depressed. These people have allowed an impersonal outside situation to influence the nature of their thoughts. By so doing they have chosen to be miserable.

It would have been far better if these people had taken stock of the situation and decided to think something like:

“It’s raining. That puts paid to our picnic. Disappointing perhaps, but that’s O.K. What else can we do? Play Trivial Pursuit?”

Think along these lines and you are bound to find something to do that will replace going on a picnic, something that you will enjoy, something that will make the day a pleasure.

Pythagoras once said, “No man is free who cannot command himself”.

Being in command of yourself is your choice. No one can take that away from you. Governments can legislate, prisons can incarcerate and people can try to manipulate, but, in the final analysis, you choose to be in control or, by intent or default, you have allowed yourself to be controlled. The choice is yours.

Choice and Circumstances

The freedom to choose, to exercise will, must not be taken to mean that we have the freedom to dictate circumstances. Many circumstances (though by no means all) are beyond our control.

In many societies we find oppression and domination. Citizens of these countries are bound by laws and practices which deny them basic rights, and they have no choice over such circumstances.

In business, executives will often set rigid policies and procedures which are aimed at ensuring that employees do the same things in predetermined ways, whether they like it or not. Staff are forced to adhere to inflexible, often inappropriate, rules and are bound by them.

Poor people may wish to live easier, more affluent lives but their circumstances prevent it.  The blind would choose, if they could, to see. But such an option is seldom theirs.  The terminally ill yearn for health, but that hankering may not be fulfilled.

So it is that we may find ourselves in circumstances over which we have no control, and which we cannot change. Does this mean that, in such instances, all choice is denied us? Not at all!

You and I always have the ultimate choice about how we will respond to the circumstances we find ourselves in. And no condition can take that privilege away from us unless we allow it to.

If ever you doubt that you can exercise choice, even in the most tragic of circumstances, consider the case of Joni Eareckson Tada.

While still a teenager, Joni was involved in a diving accident that left her a quadriplegic. Paralysed from the waist down, Joni was confined to life in a wheelchair.

In her first two books “Joni” and “A Step Further” she tells of her struggles and her victories. Joni recounts how she battled with depression and despondency. She tells of her desperate condition and of her loneliness.

Joni also tells how she reached out to God, asking Him to use her and even thanking Him for her difficulty.

In choosing not to succumb to her plight, in making a decision to accept her condition and make the most of it, she went on to become a very successful author, singer, artist, (she paints with a brush in her mouth) and evangelist.

Yes, Joni chose not to complain and, with God’s help, found strength in weakness, turned sorrow into joy, and found hope in a situation of deep despair.

So too did the recently deceased actor of “Superman”, Christopher Reeve.  He echoed similar sentiments to join in his books “Just Me” and “Nothing is impossible.”

Another striking example of how choice can he applied, even in the very worst circumstances, is found in the experiences of Dr Victor Frankl, a Viennese psychiatrist.

During World War II, Frankl and his family were apprehended by the Gestapo of Hitler’s Nazi regime. They were taken to the dreaded concentration camp, Auschwitz. Frankl was never to see his family again; they were exterminated.

For three years Frankl lived in the most devastating of human conditions. Why he himself was not done away with he doesn’t know Frankl and his fellow inmates were reduced to a state of utter degradation, where his captors had no regard for the lives of prisoners, where he was maltreated, and where he was despised and humiliated.

Yet what does Frankl have to say about choice under such conditions? In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” Frankl writes:

“The experiences of camp life show that man does have choice of action … Man can preserve a vestige of?spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychological and physical stress.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms ? to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

And there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to these powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom; which determined whether or not you would become the plaything of circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity to become reduced into the form of the typical inmate …

In the final analysis it becomes clear that the sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision, and not the result of camp influences. Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him ? mentally and spiritually.”

Yes, there will be circumstances that we can do little, if anything, about. But we need not be bound by those situations. Nothing need deprive us of the greatest power we possess, the power to choose our thoughts, to control our attitudes. Nobody can control your mind or thinking, unless you allow it.

When Fanny Crosby (who lived to be 90) was eight years old, and blind, she wrote a marvellous poem. These two verses have encouraged countless people. This is what she wrote:

Oh what a happy child I am.

Although I cannot see,

I am resolved that in this world

contented I will be.

And many blessings I enjoy

that other people don’t.

To weep and sigh

because I’m blind

I cannot and I won’t.

Think of the immense wisdom this blind, eighty year old had – a wisdom we can all learn from.

Choice and Responsibility

Because you and I are able to exercise choice over our attitudes, we cannot blame our behaviours on external circumstances. If we are to function optimally or even normally, we must accept responsibility for who we are and what we do. This is the key to becoming a fully functioning person.

Taking responsibility for oneself is, however, not self?blame. There should be no place for blame in your life, towards yourself or others. The very word “blame” is a negative one. It implies accusation and judgment. It causes feelings of despondency, worthlessness, and despair.

A friend called me one day and asked to see me. He said that it was important that he discuss a personal matter with me as soon as possible; he was in deep distress.

When we met it was evident that he was, indeed, very disturbed. His wife had left him a few days before. For the next thirty minutes or so, he went off in a tirade against himself. He blamed himself entirely for his wife’s desertion.

“I drove her into the arms of another man, ” he said. “I neglected her and forced her to leave me. It wasn’t long before my friend started deprecating his personal worth. He saw himself as a despicable man who merited censure.

This kind of self?condemnation is not what is meant by taking responsibility.

Taking responsibility, as referred to here, means objectively assessing the situation in order to learn from it, and grow through it. It requires us to take a good look at ourselves without devaluing ourselves. It includes a willingness to act, to make a practical and rational decision, and to rectify the situation, if possible.

If we go back to the illustration used a moment ago, my friend would be taking responsibility for himself if he acknowledged that he took his wife for granted, and if he then sought to learn from his experience and do something about it.

This is, in fact, what later happened. In the course of our meeting I confronted him with what he was doing when he fixed the blame on himself and harped negatively on it.

“Continue kicking yourself,” I said, “and you will soon lapse into a state of severe depression. Perhaps that way you’ll punish yourself for your past behaviour, but in the process you may also destroy your self?esteem”.

My friend listened, saw the negative impact of his self?condemnatory attitude, and resolved to take a more constructive approach. He decided to stop blaming himself.  At the same time he refused to defend his unacceptable behaviour.

For the first time he took a good look at himself. He got in touch with what was really significant to his well?being, and arrived at a profound conclusion.  He came to the awareness that he often glossed over the really important things in his life. Matters such as health, his relationships with loved ones, and the spiritual dimension to his life, were often overlooked and taken for granted. Yet these were the very things that gave meaning to life.

As with most of us, my friend’s attention was mostly centred upon matters that, in the end, are of little real consequence. What does it matter if you have all the things that money can buy but have lost your health? What does it matter if you are the most successful businessman or entrepreneur in the land but have no one who truly cares about you, with no real friends or loved ones?

For much of our lives we tend to concentrate on the immediate gratification of what appeals to us, what grabs our attention, and what is demanded of us. These are the urgent, the worldly, things. To continually give priority to urgent matters, at the expense of important ones, is not only short?sighted but self?defeating.  In the end it leads to loneliness, desolation, and despair.

These were the thoughts that came to my friend’s consciousness. They caused him to re?evaluate his life and his values. He accepted responsibility for the way he had conducted himself in the past, and resolved not to make the same mistakes again.

I wish I could say that everything worked out well between my friend and his wife, that she came back to him and they lived happily ever after. Unfortunately this was not to be, for they were divorced several months later. What did happen was that the experience provided my friend with tremendous, though painful, insights. To quote him: “I learned things that I would probably not have learned any other way. I now know what my true values in life are, and I take responsibility for living my life accordingly”.

In the quotation I’ve just mentioned, notice the absence of blame. Blamers usually want to punish someone, either themselves or others. Consequently, they seldom have a realistic perception of any situation. They do not get to know themselves. They do not grow.

Growth begins when blaming ceases. It occurs when a man takes responsibility for his actions, when a woman assumes ownership of her behaviour, and when, by so doing, we are able to choose options that are constructive.

Think of the word “responsibility” as meaning the ability to respond (response?ability). Next time you find yourself entertaining unhealthy, unhappy or inappropriate reactions, realise that, in any situation, you have response options. Your option to choose how you will respond will either benefit or block you. Instead of shifting blame, accept whatever difficulty you may find yourself in and ask yourself this question, “What can I learn from this situation?” After you have thought through that one, ask yourself another question: “What response would be most appropriate and beneficial?”

You and I, and every other normal human being, have a choice as to how we will respond to the world in which we live. To deny this is to deny the thing that makes us uniquely human. To abandon this choice is to abdicate responsibility for taking charge of our lives. To exercise choice is to open the door to growth and fulfilment.