For better or worse, we are always influencing others, others are also influencing us.  The question is not whether we are influencing one another, but whether the influence is a positive one; one that is beneficial to all parties.

In this presentation I will address the matter of influence and persuasion by providing you with seven principles, and how to make them work for you.

Bear in mind that the seven principles cover the range of factors that require consideration.  In specific instances, different combinations of these principles will apply, with some being more effective than others.

It is important, therefore, that you become thoroughly conversant with all seven principles.  Then, apply your knowledge in an intelligent and ethical manner to create a beneficial outcome for everyone.  In other words always adopt a win-win approach for a mutually satisfying outcome.

Principle # 1:  Rapport Building

The Oxford Dictionary defines rapport as “a relationship marked by harmony, conformity, accord and emotional affinity”.

To the extent that we are in agreement or alignment, with another person, both verbally and nonverbally, we are in a state of rapport.

How do we build rapport?  By pacing or matching, as closely and naturally as possible, the actions and behaviours of others.

There are many ways of pacing others.  These include:

• dress
• body language
• speech patterns (rate of speech, tone, volume etc.)
• words and images
• breathing

When we are “in-sync” with another person, we experience what they are thinking and feeling.

If therefore, you wish to build rapport with someone, align yourself and pace the other individual by reflecting the same or similar body language and way of speaking.

Principle # 2:  Sequencing

The Reader’s Digest Universal Dictionary defines a sequence as “a following of one thing after another”.

Ordinarily, the order in which we place things suggest a rank order, so that #1 is often perceived as bigger, better or more important than #2 and so on.

Because rank order is so ingrained in our perceptions, we naturally link situations or events with one another.  Seldom, if ever, do we insolate or separate events that appear in the same context.

Because of the connections we make between items, things can appear cheap or expensive, better or worse than they really are.

The power of sequencing is expressed in what is known as the “Contrast Axiom”.  This axiom says that:

“If two or more items are presented one after another, and the second is substantially different from the first, we will perceive the second item more different that it really is”.

The Contrast Axiom, which is the central tenet in the Sequencing Principle, is often used by salespeople to influence customers to buy expensive items.

How is this done?  Remember that “expensive” is a relative concept.  Something is expensive only to the extent that it is compared with a cheaper item.  So, instead of allowing a potential customer to compare a product or service with something cheaper, salespeople deliberately present a more expensive option first, knowing that the prospect will reject it.  Then, when this happens, the salesman simply comes up with another product or service that is more affordable.  Now, even though the second purchase may still be expensive, it will sound and feel cheap, relative to the first option.

Principle # 3:  Reciprocity

The Principle of Reciprocity states that people feel obligated to return favours.

When we give something to someone, we create a feeling of debt or obligation in that person.  It is natural for anyone who has received favours to want to do something in return, to repay the debt as it were.  By so doing, the obligation is cancelled.

By consistently giving outstanding service, information and concessions, beyond the call of duty,  you differentiate yourself from others.  You also generate a legitimate feeling of indebtedness in others that often leads to co-operation and business agreements.

Principle # 4:  Uniqueness

The Principle of Uniqueness says that people desire things that are unique or difficult to obtain.

Things that are scarce are invariably more expensive than those that are plentiful; they are also more sought after.  Objects become of greater value as they become less available.

Psychologically, people want what they can’t have.  Financially, people are prepared to pay more, and emotionally they desire something with more intensity, if something is rare or relatively unobtainable.

People of influence harness the power of desire by highlighting the benefits of an idea, product or service.   They also:

• highlight unique features
• point out what people stand to lose by going the other way.

The latter element is often overlooked.  Yet the motivation to act is driven by two factors.

• people act because they desire something
• people act because they fear losing something.

Of these two, fear is generally the stronger motivator.

Principle # 5:  Authority

The Principle of Authority says that people listen to, and obey, those who are in positions of authority. As children, all of us were dependent on authorities for survival and, guidance.  Parents, teachers, doctors, religious leaders and others told us what to do, and what was acceptable.  Furthermore, we have become conditioned to believe that authorities have a great deal of knowledge and that they know what is best for us; we unconsciously accept that authorities act in our best interests.

Even as adults we are frequently in awe of authority figures and give them power to influence us.  For this reason people are usually willing to follow the suggestions of anyone they regard as a legitimate authority.

People of authority are invariably those who have either specialised knowledge (e.g. a teach, medical doctor etc.) or power over others (e.g. managers etc.).  However, there is another type of authority that is extremely influential.  What is this type of authority?  It is credibility.

A person with credibility is listened to, respected and obeyed by others.  Such a person will usually demonstrate two qualities:

a)    expertise

b)    trustworthiness

Expertise is demonstrated by coming up with solutions and solving problems in the best interests of the other person.  Trustworthiness is characterised by:

• keeping promises
• reliability
• keeping confidences
• sincerity and genuineness.

These attributes need to consistently be proven over time for trust to develop and for legitimate authority to be warranted.

Principle # 6:  Affection

The Principle of Affection states we are naturally influenced by people we get on well with, people we like.

The platinum rule in making friends and influencing people is to make others feel important.

To apply the Principle of Affection remember the following:

• Don’t criticise, condemn and complain.
• Give honest, sincere appreciation.
• Be genuinely interested in others; be a good listener.
• Use and remember names.
• Smile.

Principle # 7:  Agreement

Socrates, the Greek philosopher, is credited with originating the idea that one should ask questions, and get people to solve their own problems, rather than provide them with solutions or ideas. By making people think, through the use of questions, they gain valuable insights and knowledge.  This well known technique is known as the “Socratic Method”.

What is not so well known, however, is that Socrates went beyond the mere asking of questions.  He led opponents of his ideas to specific conclusions by getting a “yes” response to his enquiries.  In other words, Socrates asked questions to which his opponents would have to agree.  He obtained a string of “yeses” until, almost without being aware of it, his adversaries found themselves coming to a conclusion they would have previously rejected.

If a salesperson can get a potential client to agree repeatedly to the validity of a situation, or the need for certain features, or the desirability of specific benefits etc., and the product or service meets these requirements, that salesperson will find it relatively easy to get a “yes” for a sale.  Such is the Principle of Agreement.

Conclusion

The seven principles of influence and persuasion constitute an extremely powerful methodology for impacting others in a positive and meaningful way.  However, just as these principles may be used to enrich the lives of people, they many also be used to manipulate and take advantage of others.  Men and women of integrity know that because knowledge is a source of power, such power must always be used wisely and beneficially.

With a knowledge of the seven principles, you are thus charged with the privilege of always employing them to the benefit of recipients.  Never use them to exploit others.  To do so will reduce you to the level of a con man/woman, or an abuser of people.

Dr Ray Laferla presents an exciting one-day experimental workshop entitled “Mastering the Art of Influence & Persuasion”.  If you would like to participate in this programme, or know more about it (or other workshops) contact Michelle Botha at (011) 453 1733 or email her at mbotha@ihdynamics.co.za