Successful people, in all walks of life, share many common attributes.  One of these is the ability to influence others in a positive way.

Without this capacity, leaders would be unable to solicit the willing support of followers, salespeople would not be able to persuade prospects of the worthiness of their products and services, religious leaders would be unable to convince adherents of the validity of their teachings, and parents would not be able to impress upon their children the importance of values.

Research by behavioural scientists like Dr Robert Cialdini, Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University, an others, have discovered that highly influential men and women share certain characteristics.  Furthermore, these attributes may be learned and applied by anyone who has a burning desire to succeed in life, and who is willing to diligently apply himself or herself to the acquisition of the appropriate skills.

What are these personal attributes?  There are six of them.  In a nutshell, highly influential people are:

• Confident
• Trustworthy
• Positive, and balanced, in their mental attitudes
• Focused on attaining win-win outcomes
• Goal-oriented
• Action-oriented

By acquiring these attributes, you too can become a person of influence, impacting the lives of many, in highly significant ways.

With this in mind, let’s examine each characteristic.

Confidence

Genuinely confident people believe in themselves. They believe in their ideas and in what they do.

Self-confidence should never be confused with arrogance or forcefulness. Intolerant people, who impose their opinions and values on others, actually feel insecure.  Insecure people cannot bear to have others disagree with them.  They must always be right.

Confident individuals, on the other hand, have thought deeply about what matters in their lives.  They also have a healthy respect for themselves and their accomplishments.  However, whilst they know what they stand for, they also have a sense of humility.  They are keenly aware of the fact that even top experts have incomplete knowledge, and they are willing to consider the views and ideas of others without feeling threatened by differences of opinion.

Confident people are, therefore, secure people.  They listen to others and are willing to reconsider their views when new information is presented, and new insights attained.  They are also growing people, always seeking to develop themselves and increase their skills.

Confident people are also genuine.  They are not out to impress others. They have no need for approval.  Because they believe in themselves, they simply express who they are.  Because they love themselves in a healthy way, they are able to love others.  They do not judge others, although they do not condone malicious, vengeful and evil acts.

When it comes to your work or profession, you will be a positive influence to the extent that you believe in what you do, and have faith in your abilities.  Confidence in your products or services, and in yourself, is an indispensable quality for influencing others with integrity.

Trust

If I had to isolate the all-important factor, that single element that is perhaps the most important of all the six characteristics in this paper, I would say that trust is the most crucial in regard to influence and persuasion.

If people don’t trust you, you will have no power to influence and persuade.  A bad reputation is a highly reliable predictor of failure in all walks of life.

There are three things about trust that we need to understand.  These are:

1)    Nobody is born trustworthy, we choose to be trustworthy.

Nobody arrives on planet earth with an honest personality.  In fact just the opposite is true.  Because we are all essentially self-centred, we naturally seek to place ourselves, and our interests, above those of other people.  However, if we want to be trusted, we will need to constantly guard our minds and motives to avoid manipulating and using others.

Trustworthy people choose to be honest, honourable and transparent in all they do.  They have no hidden agenda.  They say what they mean and they mean what they say.  They are reliable and can be counted on to keep their promises. When mistakes are made they don’t cover-up; they admit it, apologise and move on.

At the end of the day, trust is the result of having confidence in the integrity of someone’s word and behaviour.

You and I need to be vigilant in order to earn the trust of others.  When people do place their trust in you, never take advantage of it; never break confidences or deliberately exploit people.

2)    Trust is fragile, it is subject to change.

Everything we do, to a greater or lesser extent, affects the level of trust between others and ourselves. Remember that it takes only one malicious, destructive, insensitive or thoughtless act to demolish trust.  A longstanding relationship that took many years to build can be destroyed in just a few moments by an act of infidelity or indiscretion.

Because trust is fragile, we need to work at creating and maintaining it by our daily words and actions.

3)    Co-operation increases trust, competition decreases it.

In business, and in our personal lives, a premium is usually placed on being competitive.  Most of us want to win and be number one.  However, to compete means to set yourself against others; you want to beat them and they want to beat you. Consequently, adversarial relationships are created.

Adversarial relationships give rise to mistrust, especially in business.  Why? Because the desire to win often causes people to misrepresent themselves and their products, to hide pertinent information, to promise more than they can deliver, and so on.  Sometimes, in a desperate bid to win, people even resort to harmful and criminal acts.

Is there an alternative to competitiveness?  Yes there is!

First of all, refuse to compete with others. Instead, do your very best.  Always strive to improve your performance and your contribution; be the best that you can be.  Learn from your mistakes and from others.  But don’t compete against them.  You are unique.  You don’t have to be like anyone else.  And if someone else beats you at something, that’s fine, as long as you did your best.  With this attitude you will be able to celebrate the achievements of others, yet constantly improve your skills and attainments without feeling threatened.

If you desire to be a person of influence, act honourably at all times.  Do not lie, cheat or fake it.  Gain the confidence of your staff and customers by being known as a “straight shooter”.

The greatest complement I ever heard a subordinate give his manager was that he trusted her completely.  In his words, “She hasn’t got a phoney bone in her body”.

A positive, and balanced, mental attitude

Every human being has been given the power to choose the nature of his or her personal thoughts.  Contrary to popular misconception, nobody can make you happy, or sad, or discouraged, or anything. Except for the few who suffer from biological disorders that require medication, how we feel is entirely dependent on how we think.  And the nature of our thoughts is a choice.

In regard to relationships and human interactions, we are naturally attracted to people who are optimistic and positive.  We are also inclined to move away from, and avoid, those who are negative and pessimistic. The reason is that constant negativity is debilitating and draining, whereas encouragement and enthusiasm is uplifting.

As a general rule, stop criticizing and complaining.  Don’t spend a great deal of time expressing negative thoughts, telling everyone how bad things are, how terrible the crime rate is, etc.  If it is necessary to engage in discussions about problems or unfavourable events, do so from a balanced point of view.  Get facts and present both sides of a story.

A short while ago I was listening to a CNN debate on the war in Iraq.  On the side of Iraq, was a man who was highly emotional.  With great antagonism and hostility he castigated the USA, becoming very personal with his verbal abuse of George Bush. There was hardly any logic or coherence to his talk. At one time, I thought he was a candidate for a stroke.

On the other side was an American.  He too was, in my view, unbalanced.  He constantly interjected and verbally attacked his Iraqi counterpart.  When it came to his turn to express the USA perspective, I perceived him to have little credibility.

After these two had had a go at one another, a political commentator from the Middle East presented a view that took into account both perspectives.  He revealed some of the thinking that was prominent in the minds of those who practised the Islamic faith.  He also articulated the fears and vulnerability that Americans felt after 9/11.  In the end, the commentator left me with insights that I did not previously have.

If I had to ask myself who, in this debate, most influenced my thinking I would undoubtedly say that it was the political commentator.  Of course he had his own view.  In my opinion, though, he was neither prejudiced nor unbalanced.  He considered the facts, rationally presented both sides and made a very positive impression.

Win-win thinking

To think win-win is to adopt a frame of mind that seeks mutual benefits for all parties.  It means that we find solutions, and come to agreements, that take everybody’s interests into account so that no one party is the loser. Win-win people see life as a cooperative venture, not a competitive one.

Win-win thinking is based on the idea that no one has to succeed at the expense of others.  There is plenty for everyone.

Most people think in terms of win-lose.  They position themselves to get what they want even in it means taking advantage of people. Adopt this attitude and people will suspect everything you do and everything you say.  Under such circumstances you will have little influence.

On the other hand, genuinely consider the welfare of others in all your interactions and people will willingly open themselves to you.  They will take you at face value and believe what you say.

A successful businessman in a highly competitive industry, whom I shall call Richard, told me that his achievements are largely attributed to the win-win philosophy he has consistently maintained.  In his dealings with customers, Richard always seeks to genuinely satisfy their needs, whilst maintaining a reasonable profit margin.  If his products do not fully meet the requirements of his customers he says so, and actually directs them to other companies.  Richard’s customers know that he will serve their best interests and they return to him.  They also frequently send him referrals, and his business is growing in leaps and bounds.

Richard articulates his philosophy by saying, “In all my interactions, if we don’t have a win-win outcome there is no deal”.  With “no-deal” as the only alternative to win-win, he doesn’t try to manipulate people or force his products or services on them.  Neither does he give discounts or cut his profit margin.  Once, when a potential customer threatened to take his business elsewhere unless the price was reduced, Richard told his customer that if he could find another product/service of the same quality and at a better price it would be irresponsible of him not to go elsewhere. The customer took his business away, only to find that, in this case, lower cost meant inferior service. It wasn’t long before the customer returned to Richard. That same customer now says that he has learnt his lesson. He relies fully on Richard and goes along with all his recommendations because, in his words, “I can trust him not to rip me off”.

Assume for a moment that you were engaged in a dispute that requires mediation.  Who would you consider to be the more persuasive and influential mediator? Someone who was completely impartial, genuinely seeking a win-win solution?  Or someone you thought was biased in favour of your adversary?

Goals

Imagine that you stood beside a great ocean liner.  You were invited to meet the captain of the ship.  With great anticipation you climbed on board and made your way to the bridge.  There, beside a huge array of instruments, and a large steering wheel, was an impressive looking man.  He was obviously the commander of the vessel by the stripes on the sleeves of his jacket.

You were awe-struck by the sight of the captain and, keen to make the most of your acquaintance, asked him about his next destination.  Now suppose the captain looked uncertain, hesitated, and said rather sheepishly, “Well, I don’t really know.  We just start up the engines, get out of harbour, and keep going. Eventually we hope to reach a place that we like, if we don’t end up on the rocks, that is.  After all, it was just by chance that we landed here!”  What would you think of such a captain? Would you have faith in him?  Would you want to be a passenger on his ship?

You are the captain of the human ship that bears your name.  Unless you know where you want to go, and unless you are able to articulate your goals clearly and specifically, people will not regard you as a leader.  They may like you.  They may even admire you.  But they won’t allow themselves to be influenced by you.

Men and women of influence target their destinations; they also know what they want out of life.  And because they are knowledgeable and focused, people look to them for guidance and direction.

Action

Being goal-oriented is essential for successful living; without goals people have no purpose and no power.  But goals, on their own, are not enough. They need to be followed through and acted upon.

I once knew a brilliant architect named Michael. Michael created incredible futuristic designs that were eco sensitive, yet beautiful and practical. His plans were, however, also expensive to implement.

The trouble with Michael was that he lost heart easily.  Whenever anyone criticized his ideas, or refused support, or withheld finance, he became discouraged and abandoned his projects.  Eventually he gave up architecture, complaining that people did not have the courage to change their traditional ways.  While everybody accepted the need to protect the environment, few were prepared to do anything about it, especially if it meant spending money on developments that provided little in the way of financial return.

Eventually Michael turned to drink. One day, under the influence of alcohol and in driving rain, he failed to negotiate a sharp curve in the road and died. Fortunately, no other car was involved in the accident.

Several months later, Michael’s wife was disposing of her husband’s possessions and came across a pile of architectural plans.  She thought about throwing them out, but changed her mind and gave them to a local firm of architects.

The people who received Michael’s plans were astounded at the ingenuity of his designs.  One architect, who I will call James, was so impressed that he made it his personal mission to build the structures that had hitherto existed only on paper.  He formulated a strategy and for the next few years worked on implementing it.

James was faced with the same obstacles that Michael faced.  People still gave lip service, rather than solid support, to the innovative ideas, and unusual designs that were presented.  The difference was that James did not allow this to discourage him.  He was persistent and, with tenacity and passion, pressed on.  James was action-oriented.

Eventually James obtained the backing of a property developer whose desire to leave a legacy was stronger than the desire to make more money. Michael’s ideas caught on. Eventually they became sought after and prized.

Today James is a highly influential man who leads the field in eco-architecture.  Yet he is quick to admit that his ideas originated in Michael’s work: Michael was the real genius behind his success.

What was the difference between Michael and James?  They were both highly competent professionals, and they both had goals.  However, James went further than Michael. He acted with determination and persistence.  He followed-through to bring goals to fruition, and he succeeded where Michael failed.

Never forget that goals, and good intentions, fail with poor execution.

If you have a burning desire to make a positive difference to the lives of others, if you want your life to count, and if you want to be a person of influence, you must be a person of action.  While great ideas and inspirational talk may have a short-term impact on others, people want more.  They seek role models that “walk their talk”.

Conclusion

Being an influential person does not happen by accident.  It requires application.  By acquiring the six attributes we develop the capacity to touch the lives of others in a profound way.  We also set the foundation for true and lasting success that is meaningful and sustainable. Orison Swett Marden once said, ”The influential man is the successful man, whether he be rich or poor”.